An Exercise In Bad Screenwriting: “Kill The Dog” In Act III. RATED PG
A while back, I was thinking about purchasing this newish movie on iTunes. It’s less than two years old, it went over well with audiences, and it was on sale for $4.99, The Art of Racing in the Rain. It’s a contemporary PG-Rated film. The front cover of the digital release is a man driving an old-timey race car with the top down, and his golden retriever is sitting in the passenger seat with a look on it’s face that only a dog could have, when riding in the passenger seat of a fast car with the top down.
It’s actually one of the best promotional images I’ve seen for a digital release in quite a while — simply because it’s so organic. And distinct. In addition, it’s amusing. It’s quaint. It’s silly. It’s rated PG.
My parents and I were social distancing at separate houses during covid but we have been family sharing my iTunes movie account and I thought that they would surely enjoy this film about Passenger Dog because they’re, you know… at that age. And I would probably enjoy it too once I’m well into my 60’s, 30+ years from now.
And so this lovable dog on the cover; THAT alone should be worth the $4.99. Right? I don’t even care about it’s Rotten Tomatoes score of 43% — UNLESS… this is another one of those PG-Rated films about “a man and his dog” that comes strapped with A Sad Ending like it’s a bomb. The film itself is the vest. The Sad Ending is the plasticine explosive. It’s sole purpose is to claim… slightly more than just one casualty, during its assault on the audience. So, yes… I’m referring to THAT Sad ending. The ending that we’ve All seen a million times… That’s right, they kill the fucking dog at the end of the film — in this “family picture.” I mean, Not the actor playing the dog’s owner — he doesn’t kill the dog— I’m talking about the screenwriter. THEY kill the dog at the very end with their bad writing… as a way to manipulate the emotions of the audience, and get them to feel something genuine at the expense of the writer’s need of being a contrived button-pusher.
And also because the writer either hates people sincerely, and has a cynical ethic when it comes to producing content — or… they, in fact, DON’T hate people sincerely. Instead, they actually like people… BUT even though they like people — they STILL feel that the people, as a collected audience, are too stupid to know that they just wasted 2 hours becoming emotionally invested in a human protagonist that comes 2nd to said audience’s 2 hour investment with this dog who’s selling both digital copies and rentals left and right because “dog rides in car with top down.”
You see, This is the problem with this film formula… Everybody loves the dog — so, WHY kill the fucking dog at the end?
Why does every “a man and his dog” film think that it needs to end like Old Yeller…? Old Yeller killed the dog just fine, people cried , now leave it alone. Don’t do it again and again. What about Turner & Hooch — ? That’s right… screenwriter kills the dog at the end. Have I seen Turner & Hooch? Of course not. Once someone spoiled the ending for me, I said, “No, thank you… but seriously, Thank You. Now I don’t ever have to see that movie.” Because they kill the dog at the end.
So what’s the fucking point? To have my feelings toyed with in a way that’s mean-spirited, at least coming from a screenwriter. I’m really not there for Tom Hanks, so I’m probably there to see the dog — and see the dog on screen do fun, engaging “dog things” with the cast of characters in the film.
You REEEEAAALLY have to take into consideration that audiences are animal lovers, or at least American audiences are, nowadays. It’s weird that there was once a time and place where the death of animals, and even pets — whether it be cruelty or death by natural causes — was just a thing that happened in movies.
So, I won’t watch Marley & Me. I remember that theatrical poster: A cute little puppy with a big red bow on it. That’s it. THAT was the poster. I can’t really say that the first immediate thought that entered my mind when I first laid eyes on the cute puppy/Marley & Me poster was, “Aw shit. That cute little dog’s definitely going to die at the end of that movie.” Nope. Someone spoiled the ending for me a long time ago with that one as well.
Once again, I told the human “spoiler” of the film, “Thank you, for that. Now, I don’t have to see a film that begins with a puppy that grows up for the film’s entire run time… just to die like the dog that he is before the fucking credits roll.”
It’s a colossal FUCK YOU to the audience; every idiot that was suckered into paying the price of admission.
I’m NOT going to sit down and watch a movie that’s 2 hours-long, where I become emotionally invested in the film’s only innocent and lovable character; just to have them die at the end. Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson are probably allowed to live. For some reason. Guess that’s what helps anchor the film to that PG Rating it needs.
Now, if you look at a film like Babe — the screenwriter DID NOT kill the pig at the end of the movie. Wise choice. Because now, the film has rewatch value and is above the standard of tricking a whole theater to cry in order to feel something. Other animals die within the world of Babe, sure but the pig is the central character of the story. And the story actually cares about this central character just as much as the audience does.
On another note, what’s brilliant about a non-PG film like John Wick (the 1st one), is that the film establishes the dog that is given to Keanu Reeves’ character, John Wick. We, the audience, LEARN why the dog is significant, which justifies the level of pain when the dog’s life is taken from him (John Wick) during a home invasion— all within roughly the first 20 minutes. The film isn’t even through Act I yet, and we already want to see the film’s protagonist succeed at taking no prisoners, and inevitably just killing everybody. But for a good reason. At this “20-minute mark,” the film has established grief with both the audience and John Wick; so, we already connect with the character, as the film has now given John Wick a clear motive and WHY he’s going out to seek his own brand of justice. NOW, the audience fully understands. And that’s that. All within roughly 20 minutes. Brilliant.
A screenwriter should be compelled to create such a reality for a PG-Rated “Family Picture.” If one were to really want to please the audience, and without insulting their intelligence, they would let the dog live at the end — and kill the human characters instead. Why not…? You would have no complaints from me, and probably from no one else as well.
They might even pitch that new story-to-film formula as THE NEW “family dog picture.” And it would be on at Christmas every year, playing in everyone’s living room over black market Valium and spiked hot chocolate but only if the film kills just the right people, while letting the dog live. At least THAT would actually make sense to see.
